Wrestlemania 29

It's that time of year, when pro-wrestling's best and brightest gather to put on the show of the year, and in this house myself, Nick and good friend Jack gather with pizza to watch them.

The pre-show is just wrapping up now; it's mainly been hyping up the big matches of the card (Cena/Rock, Undertaker/CM Punk, Lesner/HHH) as well as giving us The Miz and Wade Barrett in an IC title match. This match got bumped to the pre-show for time issues apparently, which is a bit insulting really; even more insulting in our opinion was the fact that the match lasted about 5 minutes and involved a title change. Really, title matches like that should be on the PPV main. Also, the match seems to have made it start raining.

00:00 - And we're off. Nick is ordering a very large amount of pizza. There are minor disagreements over who is sitting where.

The WWE is starting the PPV with a Hurricane Sandy tribute, apparently, which is nice.

00:06 - I will admit, the "Coming Home" song is starting to get on my nerves; I've heard it way too much these last few weeks. First match is Shamus, Randy Orton and the Big Show V The Shield (of Justice).

00:15 - Missed the opening minutes of the match due to pizza order problems. Currently the Shield are stomping around the Big Show, who's apparently getting his minutes done early so he can be a walking prop for the rest of the match.

00:17 - Seth Rollins kicks like Steve Blackman and looks like a Hardy Boy, according to Jack.

00:19 - And the Whitest Man in Wrestling fights to tag out, while Orton and Big Show vie for the tag. Orton wins and catches Ambrose in a Cutter... only to get caught in a spear from Rollins at the same time. Shield takes the win. Nick predicted the win for this match, and they remain undefeated.

00:22 - And Now Show spits his dummy and punches out Orton and Shamus before storming off in a post-loss sulk. So Show is remaining heel, although I don't know how successful Orton can be if they're wanting to keep him face. He just... doesn't fit it, IMO.

00:28 - And there's Snooki. And here's Mark Henry, the world's largest contractual obligation. He's facing off against Ryback. Nick says this match was drafted as running for 12 minutes.

00:37 - This is a match so interesting that we're currently wondering if a Snorlax can be taught Rollout. But overall, this match has had less moves from both wrestlers than Kevin Nash has in his whole moveset - no, wait, an actual move! (scoop slam). The crowd does not sound happy.

00:39 - Okay, Ryback getting Henry up for the Shell Shock was impressive. Mark Henry still won though, so that's Ryback's push flattened.

00:42 - So yeah, the fact that Miz/Barrett was relegated to the pre-show and Henry/Ryback got to be on the PPV has not impressed us. Also, the WWE are sponsors of the Special Olympics.

00: 46 - The food is here, and so is the Tag Titles match. Dolph Ziggler, Big E Langston V Team Hell No. Good timing.

00:49 - And Daniel Bryan nearly got the pin with a kick in under a minute, which would have been awesome. Ziggler also looks an awful lot like Mr Perfect tonight. Meanwhile this is Langston's first match. "It's like Carlton Banks on steroids," states Jack.

00:52 - "Michael Cole's come a long way from doing interviews in a back room being called a hermaphrodite by the Rock, hasn't he?" Meanwhile, this is the most energetic, exciting match of the card so far. And I'm not just saying that as a Kane mark.

00:55 - And Team Hell No retain, with a chokeslam and a Flying Goat. We do wish Bryan would get a different move than that though. Too many injuries associated with it. Nick totally didn't predict the result though.

00:57 - John Cena, one of Make-A-Wish's hardest workers. It's nice.

00:58 - and now, on Dancing With The Wrestlers, Fandango V Chris Jericho.

01:01 - Jack: "Is it just me, or is Jericho starting to look like Ewan McGregor?"

01:05 - So far this match has been dancing, a slap fight, a Codebreaker and a top-rope move. And Lawler having fun saying "Fandango". Nothing really standing out about Fandango though, which is a shame considering the wrestler behind the gimmick.

01:09 - And Jericho is bleeding. He's like the Steve Corino of the WWE.

01:12 - And Fandango wins with a Small Package. Other than a flying legdrop and what Jack named "The People's Prancing", he didn't really have any signature moves at all. Still, Nick predicted that Fandango would win his debut match.

And apparently you can get an $80 Wrestlemania steel chair from K-Mart. And The Miz, although I'm not sure how much he retails for.

01:17 - Jack: "People who don't like The Rock are Communists."
                     "It must be awful to have an argument with The Rock. All he has to do is raise that eyebrow and you just automatically lose."

01:19 - And now P Diddy is here to entertain us. I'd rather watch more wrestling.

01:25: Well, that was a thing. And now, a Jack Swagger promo, complete with disclaimer. The Swagger/Del Rio match must be next up, which should be good. Justice for Ricardo!

01:29 - Every time I hear Zeb Coulter say that he and Swagger are "real Americans" all I can hear is Hulk Hogan's "Real American" entrance theme. Also, Coulter's moustache is practically a character in its own right at this point.

01:31 - Jack (on Ricardo): "Where can I get this guy to announce me whenever I enter a room?" Also, who else remembers when JBL had an angle where he went out shooting boarder-crossers while he now equivocates over Swagger and Coulter's views?

01:38 - So far, this match has been damn good. Both wrestlers have brought their A game tonight. Jack Swagger still bears a startling resemblance to Owen Hart in that singlet, though.

01:42 - Apparently the fans are chanting for Ziggler to come out. I know he has the Money in the Bank briefcase, but can't they at least wait till the match is over before demanding the next one? It's a terrible shame that the crowd seem so disinterested in the match considering how good the two wrestlers in the ring are doing right now.

01:44 - And Del Rio retains with a cross-armbreaker. Ricardo is going insane with happiness, and it at least woke the crowd up. Good match. Best so far, in fact.

01:48 - Undertaker/Punk time, possibly the only time a match didn't have a storyline reason for being till someone died.

01:51 - Paul Heyman does make a disturbingly good Paul Bearer.

01:59 - When the Undertaker's music started, I went up to use the bathroom, petted the cats twice and got ice cream from the freezer. By the time I got back, the Undertaker had only just gotten into the ring. The two wrestlers are now laying into each other like nobody's business. We may mock the speed at which the 'Taker walks nowadays, but he's going all-out now.

02:05 - Punk walking the rope with the Undertaker is a ballsy move in a match that's been unsophisticated but damn good so far. Not that we were expecting great amounts of technical or high-flying wrestling in it, mind.

02:08 - At this point it's also 50/50 whether Kane is going to come out at some point and chase Heyman round the outside of the ring Benny Hill-style.

02:11 - Punk got a 2-count with a Hail To The King (a top-rope elbow drop in honour of Randy Savage); Taker gets a 2-count with a chokeslam. They're keeping the crowd up and down on their seats here.

02:15 - Okay, who screwed up the setup of the Spanish Announce Table?

02:17 - Jack: "This is an entertaining match, even with Heyman doing a seagull impression outside the ring." Also, damn that was a close count after that Tombstone Piledriver.

02:21 - That was fucking cheeky, that pin of Punk's.

02:22 - Two Tombstone Piledrivers, a Hell's Gate and a chokeslam and Punk finally stays down. Now, who'll it be for Wrestlemania 30?

02:27 - Jack: "The Undertaker is like Santa. He only works one day a year and everyone loves him."

02:33 - Holy crap, HHH with short hair looks creepily like my brother.

02:35 - And now we're all singing along to Shaun Michaels' entrance music. It's still that damn catchy.

02:40 - And this year HHH enters via Castle Greyskull, it seems.

02:45 - Oh, now the Spanish Announce Table breaks.

02:53 - It's taken till HHH pulls out the Pedigree for the crowd to get excited here. Which is unfair really; this has been a pretty good match really. Also, hello Sweet Lady Sledge.

03:00 - Not that this match is getting boring or anything, but we're now discussing the fates of the four Radicalz.

03:02 - Kudos to Heyman for being willing to take that Sweet Chin Music there.

03:05 - HHH wins with a Pedigree onto the steel steps, which is a surprising finish really. Good match though, even if I did think I saw some of it that the end of the Conan the Barbarian movie.

03:08 - And now HHH celebrates by apparently doing the Robot.

03:10 - Highlight of the Hall of Fame package for us was the Spinaroonie.

03:12 - And the crowd boos Trump. Heh.

03:15 - No Funkasaurus? Did an asteroid hit?

03:19 - Okay, not that we're complaining that the mixed tag appears to have fallen into the ether, but are they seriously going to ask Cena and The Rock to go 30+ minutes?

03:25 - Cena seems to either no-sell or oversell. Never a happy medium.

03: 28 - News just in - in Pokemon Black/White, Snorlax learns Rollout at level 44. In other news, the main event is going rather slowly.

03:34 - Oh hey, the crowd woke up at the possibility of the People's Elbow. This match has gone 15 minutes but if feels longer. That's not good for a main event.

03:36 - Let's be fair here. This is not a bad match. For Smackdown. And when you consider that we had Mark Henry/Ryback earlier tonight. So that's something, I guess.

03:41 - The big question here - will the match end before my battery runs out?

03:44 - Counter, finisher, kickout. Counter, finisher, kickout. Where's the Benny Hill music?

03:45 - Oh hey, Cena won. Now, please Eris and whatever god oversees wrestling, can we have a different main event next year?